The laws that govern families were built on the assumption that families are composed of a couple and their children, if they have any. Many of us, though, live in other family configurations or other systems of caring relationships that are not formally recognized. This can create uncertainty and challenges when we come into contact with the law.
Polyamorous families and other non-normative families are complex, and each has its own particular systems and needs. Outside our social norms, polyamorous families lack the legal protections and supports that dyadic families enjoy. This can mean that caring relationships are not recognized in moments of crisis, that families of origin are given precedence over partners, or that financial resources are distributed in ways the family members might not want. Monogamous couples can generally rely on the default arrangements under the law to reflect their lives and preferences. Polyamorous families cannot. For that reason, documentation and agreements are important to safeguard the family and its members. If you are part of a polyamorous, or other non-normative, family, legal documents can help you:
Clarify and record the structure, values, and expectations of your family for your own reference and to assist any outsiders who have to make decisions about your family in the future (for example, a family law judge);
Create systems and expectations for when a member joins or leaves the family;
Legally register more than two parents on a birth certificate;
Communicate which person or people you want to make health and personal care decisions for you if you are incapacitated;
Communicate who has the right to make financial and legal decisions for you; and
Distribute your estate on death to all the people you care about and want to benefit.
If you are sharing financial resources and obligations, if you live together, if you parent together, or hope to, or if you simply wish to decide who gets to make decisions for you in case of incapacity, documenting your intentions is important. It will help ensure everyone involved understands the current state of affairs, that expectations about changes to the polycule are shared, that plans are in place in case of emergency, and that if an outsider has to make a decision, they have guidance in understanding the nature of the family, its needs, and its expectations.